So did I mention I’ve been doing this tacky tree thing for a long time? “How many tacky ornaments can she HAVE,” I can hear people wondering, with either delight or alarm.
Um…20 years worth?
See, when I graduated from college (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth 🦖) I moved into a half of a little duplex all by myself. When Christmas rolled around I dug through boxes to find that I had inherited my grandparents’ old plastic tree (which undoubtedly was a fire hazard probably made of asbestos) and a set of colored lights so old that they no longer made outlets in that shape.
But I persevered! Me and the tree from the Roaring Twenties were made for each other! Now all I needed was ornaments!
So I went to a local store, where I found…the most amazing things. It was lonely in that apartment, and I realized that I needed something to make me smile.
The rest, as they say, is history. (Well, MY history. Thinking about it I suppose it’s YOUR present.) (Get it?) (🎁)
Okay sorry I know you want to look at ornaments. Me too. Let’s go!
TERRIFIED SNOWMAN ⛄️
One of my kindergartners proudly presented this to me, and you NEVER ask a kindergartner what they were thinking because they will tell you and you will die of starvation halfway through. So I’m just gonna say this guy forgot to file his tax returns and leave it at that.
MANICURED T-REX 🦖 💅
After a long, hard day slogging through swamps and trees and ripping smaller dinosaurs into tiny pieces, she just wants to lay back and relax at the local hot springs, maybe wash that blood off her claws. I get that.
???????? Mouse Cheerleader? 🐁 📣
Whatever this is, it is FABULOUS.
WORLD DOMINATION OCTOPUS 🐙
Hope you enjoy your last holiday season before total cephalopod destruction. Definitely eat that extra slice of pie.
MR. MITTENS 🦞
Pictures do not do Mr. Mittens justice. He is a VERY LARGE and handsome lobster. I got him at an after Christmas sale and for a whole year he lived on my car’s dashboard, clinking around merrily while I swooped to rescue him every time I made a tight turn. And it was totally worth it, if only to see the looks on my passengers faces when I asked them to “look after Mr. Mittens, the Car Lobster.” He has retired to the tree now, but in his youth he was QUITE the rascal!
Honestly it’s kind of hard to come up with an ending here without being upstaged by Mr. Mittens. So let’s just leave it that our favorite crustacean agrees that you should stay silly. Stay safe.
🦞 approves this message.
IMHO it looks like a holiday cheerleader mouse. Cheering on the elves? Santa? The tired people everywhere? Who knows. Why not assume they are cheering you on as you set up the holiday decorations and on through the season. Cheerleader Mouse has your back!
It’s those googlely eyes that cinch it. Reminds me a little of Mr. Bill from SNL.
I have to ask….why is the lobster called Mr. Mittens? I don’t see any mittens…. I have a headache from caffeine withdrawal so I may be a bit dense at the moment.